Lips Of An Angel
by Psylocke75
Summary: This is a oneshot based on the Hinder song, this is the night of the code black and Derek had left with Addison to go back to New York to work on their marriage, back at the beginnig of Season 2.


After during Season 2 Derek went back to New York with Addison to work on the marriage, this is a few months later, the day of the Code Black, which Derek wasn't there for. This is oneshot, based on the hinder song.

LIPS OF AN ANGEL

Sometimes I wonder how my life has become so mundane. I don't know how many evenings me and Addison sit in the living room and watch TV and Addison works on a crossword puzzle. Tonight was not any different, every so often she would look up at the TV and then look over at me and smile, and then she would ask me a question about her puzzle, I think she picks the easy ones out for me, but she has no idea how much I hate crossword puzzles. As always I smile back and answer her question then she goes back to her puzzle. This has been my life since we left Seattle to come back to New York to work on our marriage. I have to admit, I'm not happy. Like most evenings I sit next to her and try not to think of Seattle and what I left behind, but every once in awhile thoughts of Seattle Grace invade my thoughts, especially thoughts of my intern. I know she's not really my intern, but she would always be mine, my Meredith. My heart actually hurts when I think about her. I had to work on my marriage, and the only way I knew to do that was to move back to New York with my wife, and do my best to forget Meredith.

It was sometime after 9 that my cell phone rang. I looked down at the call display and couldn't believe it when I saw the Seattle area code on the call display. I think my stomach did the biggest flip in my life. I looked up and saw Addison looking at me, I thought of a quick lie as I looked into those dark green eyes. "It's the Hospital, I should take this in my study." She had no reason to doubt me, the hospital called many nights, and I took lots of those calls in my study, so I acted like tonight was no different. So Addison went back to her crossword puzzle.

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd," I answered as I left the room.

"Derek," said a soft familiar female voice, the same voice that has haunted my dreams all these months. My name had never sounded so good.

"Yes," I answered, not wanting Addison to know my ex-girlfriend was calling.

"Can you talk?" she asked as I closed the door to my study.

"Now I can." I sat down behind my large wood desk. "Meredith why are you calling so late, it's like Midnight in Seattle, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Is Addison there?"

"In the next room, I got the door closed." I said.

"Oh Okay, I guess I shouldn't have called." Her voice sounded shaky, like she had been crying. I didn't like when her voice was like that, it always shook me up.

"No, its good, I jut can't be too loud, but you sound upset, have you been crying?" I stare down at the wood grain of my desk. I tried to picture her face, which isn't a hard thing to do. All that is coming to mind was the evening outside the hospital when she was crying and she told me she was exhausted and kissed me. I think that was our last kiss, and it really wasn't a kiss. Our last real kiss when we were us, I would never forget it.

There was a slight pause and then she said, quickly, almost too quickly for me to hear, "I almost died tonight."

"What do you mean you almost died?" Sometimes I wasn't sure if she was being melodramatic or if she was serious, but that was my Meredith.

"There was a code black at the hospital."

"Seriously a code black." I sat up a little straighter. I had never been through a code black, but not many people have had a live bomb in a hospital.

"Some guys built a bazooka in their back yard and well one of them one was shot with it, but it didn't explode." She gave a weird harsh giggle, which was almost sadistic sounding.

"Oh my god, you're serious. What the hell happened?" My heart started to race a little.

"This EMT, Hanna, stuck her hand in the guy to stop him from bleeding out, but freaked, she removed her hand, and I stuck my hand in when she took hers out."

"Mer that was so stupid." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She had stuck her hand in a body with a live explosive. It could have very well been Richard or Izzie calling me to tell me that Meredith had died. I could have lost her, well I already had lost her, but I could have really have lost my Meredith forever.

"I know, I don't know why I did it but I did it. I didn't want to go to work this morning I had a feeling, a feeling like I was going to die." She sounded like she really was crying now.

"But you didn't die, because you're talking to me." I told her firmly.

"I didn't die, and when I had to pull the bomb out, the god damn bomb squad guy was such an asshole, but he told me to picture he was someone else, and all I could think of was you, and the that I couldn't remember our last kiss, I almost died and all I could think about was that last kiss, I know it's pathetic, but the last time we were together and happy I wanted to be able to remember that. And I couldn't Derek, and I still can't remember." She gave a shaky laugh.

"Does anyone there know you called me?" I asked, trying not to think about that last kiss, a memory I had been holding close since the day Addison and me got on the plane and came back from New York.

"No."

"Yang would probably be pissed."

"I'd never hear the end of it," she agreed.

Silence engulfed both sides of the phone line, I wasn't sure what to say, but then the words just started coming, "It was a Thursday morning," I started to say. "You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck." I had to laugh a little, that one t-shirt turned me on more then any piece of sexy expensive lingerie that Addison owned. "You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were gonna see me later and you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. Was quick, kinda like a habit. You know, like we'd do it every day for the rest of our lives. You went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed." My heart started hurting again.

"Lavender," she said lightly, "My hair smelled like lavender from my conditioner."

"Hmmm," I muse about the smell of lavender, I don't know why I said it, but I decided to bear all at that point, "It was funny you called tonight I was thinking about you right before you called, I almost couldn't believe it when I saw the Seattle area code. Then when heard your voice saying my name, I thought I was dreaming. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"I don't know if I made the right choice Mer, I thought if we left it would make me forget you, but I haven't," I confessed.

"Derek," my name was almost a seductive whisper across the phone.

"Are you seeing anyone?" I know I had no right to ask, but I couldn't resist. I needed to know.

"Not seriously. You were the only man I have ever been serious about Derek, you were the one."

"Oh God Mer, don't. It's hard enough for me not hop on a plane so I can wrap my arms around you." I felt like crying himself, the last time I had cried was the moment in the hospital when I was in the elevator with Bailey, when I had picked Addison and broke Meredith's heart.

"I loved you Derek. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to move on." Her voice was starting to sound weak and shaky again.

"I loved you too. But we have to get over it, and move on." I knew how pathetic that sounded, because I didn't know if I would ever be able to fully move one.

"I know, I've tried."

"So have I, you have made it hard, real hard and right this minute I don't want have to say goodbye."

"I don't either."

"But I'm here, your there and Addison's in the next room." I said, trying to break the spell.

"Addison's in the next room," she echoed.

"You sure you're going to be OK?" I asked.

"Ya, you should go, back to Addison."

"Bye Mer." I finally say, knowing there wasn't anymore to say.

"Bye Derek."

I closed the phone, and placed it on my desk. I ran my shaking hands through my hair. I had told her the truth, I was so close to getting on a plane, and just so I could hold her. In all my 39 years I never imagined one phone call could shake my whole world so completely. I admit it I am weak when it came to Meredith Grey, and that's why I left Seattle.

Eventually my nerves calmed down and I took a deep breath, stood up and clipped my phone back to the waistband of my pants. I went back to the living room, where Addison was still doing her crossword puzzle. She looked up at me, "Everything fine, just a freaked out intern and I had to talk them through it, nothing important." I lied again.

"OK, what's a four letter word for an old Spanish coin?" Addison asked me as I sat down again.

"Duro."

"Thanks Honey."

I smiled and went back to watching TV, as I sat there, I had to wonder if my name would ever sound so good on someone's lips again, on the lips of an angel name Meredith.


End file.
